The unofficial glossary which immodestly dissects Switzerland. Get through the looking glass and find out through this survey of customs, cultural phenomena and historical anecdotes what really makes this country so unique.

By Camille Bozonnet

Alpine bearded men’s international meeting
Hot spot

This summer, a peculiar anxiety wrapped itself around your heart like a snake. The Place des Lys was bitterly empty, Byblos was on the verge of shutting down, and no secret affair dawned under the paparazzi’s flashlights in the über-famous Caves du Roy. What if Saint Tropez was out? Couldn’t be, could it? No, it’s just that anyone on the A-list of jet setters met August 12th at Brambrüesh’s belvedere, a panoramic viewpoint some thousand metres above Chur (GR) to try to approach one of the 60 all-aglow alpine bearded men. The not-to-miss event of next year. You have been warned?!

Ammann
Steel-and-stone rainbow master

Forget Jordan’s capital – you’re bad at spelling. Actually, Ammann is the last name of Othmar Herrmann (1879–1965), New York City’s suspension bridges’ builder of genius. That includes the Verrazano Narrows, Bronx-Whitestone, Throgs Neck, Triborough, George Washington, and Bayonne Bridges, not to mention San Francisco’s stunning Golden Gate (CA). Chief engineer, designer, consultant, senior partner, and triple Honorary Doctorate recipient as well, this native of Feuerthalen bei Schaffhausen (ZH) was one of the foremost structural designers ever. Kind of a dazzling American dreamer.

Bernese Public Baths
Womanizer-authorized only

My mind boggled when I heard the story. I can’t imagine yours. Immediately put away all those clichéd ideas about the Protestant, rigid, Swiss capital, Bern (BE). Some Venetian wolf, well-known for his scandalously lustful adventures, kept a fabulous memory of his stop there some 250 years ago. Just think?! He experienced one of the purest physical joys of his desire’s quest?: he was asked to choose a servant from among a few tantalizing young ladies put at his entire disposal. A dream that couldn’t come true in any other big European city at the time. Wanna taste, aspiring Casanova?

Cowpat show
Cultural avant-garde

That’s the way it is these days, isn’t it? When you’re at the bottom of the game, there’s no hope for salvation. That must explain why I didn’t see you in Riederalp (VS) either, the other exclusive place to be after Brambrüesh’s belvedere. In order to make your mouth water and regret the whole thing, you passed up the cowpat throwing competition; the cowpat lotto featuring typically alpine prizes; and a unique atmosphere filled with peculiar little thrills. Okay, maybe "exclusive" is way too strong a word for it, but you never know where genius hides, talking of the avant-garde.

Einstein
String-pulling in flagrante delicto

How come young Albert became a naturalized Swiss citizen and the 1.5 million foreigners currently living in our beautiful cuckoo-clock country cannot? Maybe E=mc2 later confirmed to the federal authorities that he had that essential drop of Swiss blood necessary to invoke a blood right to citizenship, which popular votes rejected in 2005 as a basis for systematically grant Swiss nationality at the third generation. Next time you want to try your luck, it’s worth having a go at a formula no one is able to prove. Think about it. Free trick.

Geneva Public and University Library (PUL)
Dictators’ incubator

Once upon a time, two fans of the goose-step happened to be in the same city at the same time. After three years of forced exile in Siberia, from 1903 to 1904 Vladimir Ilitch tasted the delights of a free life in Geneva, especially the intellectual ones in the Geneva PUL. Barely-adult Benito frequented it eighteen times in March 1904 and consulted 16 books. Eighteen times but only 16 books? I see what you’re leading up to. What did Benito do the two times he did not consult books? Was he setting up secret meetings with Vlad in the cafeteria, both of them shaking with laughter while fancying their crazy plans? Don’t wish to complain, but Switzerland inaugurated its one-word foreign policy – “neutrality” – in 1515. Looks like it doesn’t know what’s going on behind its back. Bad ad.

Great Saint-Bernard Museum
Every dog has his day

Are you striving to meet the ultimate GSB star after all your “shame-on-you” summer reverses (last reminder, I promise)? Then Barry’s waiting for you?! This is the hero said to have saved 40 people in the Great Saint-Bernard Pass. This legendary breed of rescuers known since 1700 for guiding adventurous travellers home. Don’t show a conspicuous lack of cleverness. Rush to Martigny’s museum – close to the Gianadda Foundation – you can’t miss it – and be part of the VIP guests. For once.